Finally, I got an opportunity to do something I had always wanted to do. Environmental outdoor nudes and wow, was I blessed to be able to work with none other than Kat Love for my first outdoor shoot. I had had quite the hiatus since my workshop and as I remember, I hadn't actually be given permission to go ahead to start shooting again, but being the crappy partner I was, I at least told her what I was doing and went ahead and did the shoot without permission. This shoot landed me in personal therapy (obviously there was something wrong with me) as well as another round of couples therapy, but it was completely worth it. Kat was amazing to work with. Such poise and grace. I think I knew (unconsciously) at the end of this shoot that I would likely never stop shooting, and that likely, my marriage was in jeopardy (and not just because of my photography). I'm not proud of who I was then, and I'm glad that I'm able to just be me now, though there was a pretty steep price to be paid on down the road in terms of hurting my family and friends.
A word here on therapy. You only get out of therapy what you put into it. You have to believe that there is something you need out of therapy before you go into it. AND, you have to find a decent therapist. Of the 5 therapists I've had direct interaction with only one was worth the money he was paid. The rest were utter garbage and got basically paid to sit there and listen to me. Our couples therapist this time was really, really good. My personal therapist? What a joke. But then again, I was only there to appease my wife. Although, on the last day, he did admit to me that he didn't think there was anything "wrong" with me. So, if you're ever thinking about therapy, please, find a good one, and really be wanting to do it, otherwise it's money down the drain.
